Sunday, February 12, 2012

When does letting your children move back home go to far? How do you draw the line when it comes to family? What can you do to avoid falling into a bad situation such as enabling your child, or being taken advantage of by an ungrateful child. We love our children. Well, most of us do! We try to do what's best for them and raise them the right way, so that they grow into strong self sufficient educated young adults. But, when we try to help, or answer a request for help, and it turns into something it shouldn't have turned into, what do we do? Sometimes, they just sponge off of us, and could care less what effect it has on us. They know they have it good, and they milk it for all its worth, and to heck with who they hurt, both financially and mentally. Sometimes, we go too far, and do too much for our children, and fall into this trap because of our own actions, or inaction whatever the case may be. Nobody wants these things to happen, but with times as tough as they are, we're seeing variations of this situation more and more. I'm interested to hear what peoples thoughts on this topic are, and plan to follow up with what you have to say about it. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it yet. I will say that I'm leaning toward tough love being the only way out of this situation at this time. What do you think? If you don't already, follow me on Twitter @gen22y Maybe we have something to talk about today?

6 comments:

  1. I have conflicted views on this... I honestly believe it comes to the point of going too far the moment the child/adult ceases trying to better their life. I've seen it happen way too many times. "Oh I lost my job/got pregnant/changing careers/going back to school and I need some help getting back on my feet so I'm moving in with my parents." Everyone needs a little hand up from time to time but what gets under my skin is when they get too comfortable with it. sure you had to suck it up and do the last thing you wanted and move back home, I get it, it sucks. So try to change it! Try to save the money to become self sufficient and move out! Excuses are just that...excuses. Whether you are 19 and single or 26 with kids, YOU are your responsibility. Parents will always be there. People who care about you will always be there. Don't push them away by making them pick up your slack. Don't wait on a significant other to come into the picture for the additional income to move out of your parents. Don't let it take a year for you to man up(or woman up haha) and take responsibility for your own life path. Of course this is all just hypthetical :)

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  2. Hypothetical* damn typos are ruining my liiiife haha!

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  3. So true. Unforunatly the child returning home all too often bocomes way too comfortable and don't save money or follow through on what proves to be nothing but empty promises. How do you get them off your couch? Do you just show them the door? Deadlines tend to come and go with parents that won't follow through as well. I think a deadline of 30 days with a lock change is what has to happen sadly. Thanks for you input. Hope to hear from others as well. Don't be shy! 8-)

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  4. Its just such a tough situation to be in. Most often times children don't see just how much you've done for them by giving them a roof over their head and food in their bellies. They just see the end result of you giving them the boot. I haven't been in this situation myself but I do personally know people who are going through it, as well as knowing the kids. For example, my cousin had horrible parents growing up and a lady she babysat for took her in when she was 15. They put her on the right track, turned her grades around, got her into college, paid for everyyything. My cousin met a boy in college and moved away with him, ultimately giving up her full ride scholarship. 3 months later they break up, she moves back and winds up pregnant by another man. The family that took her in does not in any way support this so they gave her 3wks to find another place to live. Needless to say, my cousin moved in with her dad and things are looking up. She now hates the people she lived with and everything they've done for her has just flown out of the window of her memory. Kids these days are just so unappreciative. I think 30 days is completely reasonable considering its tax season, lol. I think the key to this situation is how you approach it. Sit your son/daughter down with you and your wife and have an adult conversation. Make it clear that you love your child and you understand things will be rough at first but its high time they learned to stand on their own two feet. If you approach it in the get the hell out sense, shit is going to undoubtedly hit the fan. Be sure to have your spouses full support as well. I wish you the best of luck!

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  5. Yeah, it is a hard spot to be in. Thanks for your input.

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  6. I think it's important to not be too judgemental about it as every situation is different. The way our economy is today it's really hard for young people to even decent car, let alone their own place. I say as long as they're working hard and paying room/board..if it helps them to share expenses with parents and actually help the parents, then I don't think it is so bad. But ideally what single young person really wants to live with their parents? It makes it hard to date.

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